The Power of Setting Goals
Introduction
This post will explore the transformative power of setting goals. It’s not just about overcoming social anxiety; it’s about unlocking a life where you thrive and connect with your true, authentic self. When you have social anxiety, setting and pursuing goals is your secret weapon to conquering social anxiety. Let’s embrace the potential of goal setting not just to heal your social anxiety, but to thrive and connect with our true selves.
The Connection Between Social Anxiety & Personal Goals
At its core, social anxiety often stems from a fear of being judged negatively in social situations. It is this fear that prevents you from fully engaging in social interactions. Having personal goals can act as catalysts, as they can provide a framework for you to challenge your fears in an organised way. Your goals provide a path towards the life you desire.
Setting and going after personal goals to level up your social game isn't just a to-do list; it's your roadmap to overcoming challenges. It's like having a GPS that not only points out the potholes but also celebrates every smooth stretch you conquer. They provide you with a structured approach to confront and overcome specific challenges. Then, when you achieve those goals, you experience a sense of accomplishment, it's like taking a bow on your stage. Cue the spotlight, because that sense of accomplishment is your standing ovation in the journey of social anxiety recovery.
How a Coach or Therapist Can Help You Set & Achieve Your Goals
A coach can help you set and achieve your goals by helping you prioritise what it is you desire in the short and long term. In my professional career and personal life, I have found that most people know deep down what it is they need to do, and what changes they need to make. However, they don’t take the steps they need to due to a lack of accountability.
Accountability (noun): an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.
When you tell someone, you are going to do something it increases the likelihood of you doing it and achieving it. The role of your coach is to keep you accountable to make those positive changes in your life that you desire.
SMART Goals
SMART goals use five criteria to help guide the process of setting an effective goal. These criteria include: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. The idea is that by formulating a goal that aligns with these categories, the likelihood of not accomplishing it becomes nearly impossible.
Ensuring your goal is SMART is beneficial for the following reasons.
When your goal is specific it is beneficial because there is no confusion. Your goal should be crystal clear and shouldn’t leave anything up for interpretation. The more precise it is, the more likely you are to understand and recognise the steps required to achieve it. You should be able to read the goal and then answer who, what, when, where and why.
When your goal is measurable it is beneficial because you need an objective way to know when you have achieved it. How will you know you are making progress towards your goal if you can’t measure it? You need to be able to track your progress and understand how far you have come and how far you have left to go to achieve your goal.
When your goal is achievable it is beneficial because you need to be able to complete your goal otherwise it is just a dream, a fairytale. Your goal needs to be challenging enough to promote growth, but it needs to be realistic. When setting your goals, ensure that what you are aiming to do can be achieved within the time frame you set for yourself.
When your goal is relevant it is beneficial because it means the goal aligns with your long-term plans. Consider the connection between your goal and your long-term vision. Assess the role it plays in the broader context of your life. When your goal is important to you are more likely to achieve it.
When your goal has a time deadline it is beneficial because it helps you focus and keeps you motivated to complete the goal within a certain period. Integrating deadlines into your goal-setting process is essential for accountability. By creating a sense of urgency, these timelines can aid in prioritising tasks and maintaining focus, allowing you to complete your goal as scheduled.
Common Mistakes
Not specific: An example is saying, "I'll be calmer." The question arises, how? What specific actions will contribute to increasing overall happiness in the context of social anxiety?
Not measurable: Again, stating, "I'm going to be calm," lacks measurability. What does "calm" mean to you? How do you quantify and track happiness? Is it through laughter frequency or the number of days without tears?
Not achievable: Setting a goal like, "I'll eliminate all anxious thoughts by the end of the week," is unrealistic, especially considering the fact anxious thoughts are a natural emotion. Behavioural changes take time to become habits, requiring a realistic timeframe for growth.
Not relevant: For instance, setting a goal to try new food cuisines is completely unrelated to healing your social anxiety.
Lack of Time constraints: Setting a goal like, “I will overcome my social anxiety eventually.” Lacks a deadline, removing the sense of urgency needed to achieve goals.
3 Strategies for Incorporating Goal Setting Into Your Everyday Life
Accountability:
Share your goals with a trusted friend, family member, or colleague. Having someone aware of your objectives adds a layer of accountability. Regular discussions about your progress can provide encouragement and support.
Regular check-ins:
Schedule regular check-ins with yourself. This could be a weekly or monthly review where you assess progress, celebrate achievements, and adjust goals if needed. Consistent reflection helps maintain focus and motivation.
Your why:
Before writing your goals down, identify the ‘why’ behind them. Ensure your goals aren't influenced solely by external opinions or societal expectations; make them deeply personal. Align your goals with your values and the vision you hold for your future, particularly concerning your mental well-being
For Example
Goal: Over the next three months, I will initiate a weekly conversation with someone from my support network to talk about how we’re doing.
S: This goal is specific as it outlines the action of messaging someone weekly for a conversation about my well-being.
M: The goal is measurable because it is clear whether or not you have spoken to someone about your mental well-being once a week or not.
A: Reaching out to someone for support can be challenging, but setting the intention to message a trusted person makes this goal likely achievable.
R: This goal is relevant as dealing with social anxiety often leads to feelings of isolation. Connecting with a support system member weekly can alleviate this isolation and create a safe space to talk.
T: The goal is time-bound because it sets a three-month timeframe to implement and assess the effectiveness of the goal.
Summary
To tackle social anxiety head-on, try setting some goals! Use the SMART criteria to create effective goals that work for you, building a roadmap for your healing journey. If you're looking for a bit of personalised support to conquer social anxiety and reach those goals, let's chat—I'm here to help you thrive!
“Your journey to healing begins here!"
Dr Tasha
Founder of Healing Social Anxiety
